I want to make a zoo with you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
