We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
