I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
