Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're facebook friends in real life
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
