I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
