he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is the high leading the old right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
