and she was petting her beer can
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
