everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
