How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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