I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize