coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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