Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
