Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
