Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
