On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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