she was so not down for the gang bang
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
