I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
