I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
