We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
