An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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