if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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