like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
