we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
