The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
