the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
