finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize