I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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