i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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