Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just invented taco cereal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize