i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
