I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
