My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
