The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
