if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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