dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
