I just pynch a tree in the face
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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