Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
