Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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