im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the condom got lost in my hair
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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