have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
