pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
