Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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