I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
