Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
