i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
