Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
