If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
