Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
