I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
