Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
