Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
