Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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