she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
