one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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