There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
