I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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