I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
