If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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