its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
