OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
