There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
