Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
