Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
be right there i have to get my cape
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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