I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drake has all the answers
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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