Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
