Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
