In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
