I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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