I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
