he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
