why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
