as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
