just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
