tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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