Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
