He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
