we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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