how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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