You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
