Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
