Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
