Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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