So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize