Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
