i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
