Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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