Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
