I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
