Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
