I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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