There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
