yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
