Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
