I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
