I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
