No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
