he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
