Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
