Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
