lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
