Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize