Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
