in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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