don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
