She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
