Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
