omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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