I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
