Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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